TRUST

I watched a movie yesterday and in the scene, one of the characters said “Trust goes both ways”. I think it is true. I myself have been thinking lately about trust because I probably have a big trust issues to men (literally, especially). Being born in a broken family where my dad had broken our trust, it is especially hard for me to trust a man. Do not get me wrong, I have a lot of guys’ friends, and two brothers. I can trust them easily, but when it comes to a romantic relationship. It is another stage and a big mountain to climb for me. 

I had some relationships in the past, none of them I could find trustful. From that I learned it is actually really hard to be honest and selfless in this fallen world when temptation just comes from all the areas in life. Not only from the secular temptation but even amongst the Christians community itself, further more even in the midst of us who called ourselves a believer. People fall into temptation, and when that happens trust is hard to regain or even restore. That is when the relationship broken. 

We can’t never trust human completely, we are all flawed. Putting trust in God is the only way. Especially when someone betrays our hearts with their short fallen. Human relationship is a complicated thing and when it is broken, the evil uses it to break our divine relationship with or without us realizing it. When human’s trust is broken, our tendency is not to trust God anymore by one of the other thoughts that we put blame on God in letting people broke our trust and heart. I have seen it happening it a lot in people, even with my mom. It took her years to be able to trust God again after her trust to my dad being broken. 

A lot of young people left their standards or church because their trust was being broken by human relationship. I know what they felt when they decided to walk away, I had my trust being broken in my life. I questioned God, confused with the situation, wondered why He let that happened in the first place. Wondering if I could I trust Him to take care of my heart. If He can, so why He let the heart being broken by the trust given?

We are left with so many questions in a lot of things in life. No, we can’t completely trust a man, because we betray one another in so many ways, everyday. But, I do trust that we can still trust God even when our trust is being broken by the others. We can always trust Him to take care of the broken things.

It is not God we can’t trust, but it is ourselves, and our sinful desires and selfishness. We don’t understand most of things that happen in our life, but our part is not to understand them all. Our part is to trust God and to love the others no matter what, even when they break our trust because God also still loves us no matter what, even when we break His heart every day. Trust me, it is not easy, that is why we have to learn to trust Him every day in all situations, and we will not find ourselves put our trust in the wrong place.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:7-8

 

Little stung

I got stung by something when I was catching fish using a small fishing net on the shore with my friend

It was our last catch..

The plan was just to do it once because my friend wanted me to experience how to catch fish using fishing net with the help of the local worker in the rustic resort where I have been working for surprisingly seven years now (although it is on and off)

It was our third rows, when I was excitedly moving just a bit of ahead from my friend because I saw jumping fish in the water and I was hoping that we would be able to catch it

The stung started to swollen when I got off the water, then I soaked my foot with warm water just in case it had poison or bacteria

It has been six days now, it is not as hurting as it was but it got itchy

It is not red anymore but getting darker

It is healing, I know

But somehow my hands is always wanting to touch it or rub the stung because it is itching

I made me thinking of wounds in our life.  Sometimes, something that wound and sting our heart will get itchy when it is actually healing

It keeps on wanting our attentions to put our hands on it when it will not help at all but instead it can even make the wound worse

We just have to keep doing whatever we are doing and trying not to think about the wounded things and keep our hands away from the itching thoughts that is actually is about to heal

We can’t entertain the itching skin by scratching or rubbing it. Same thing like we can’t entertain our thoughts by keep coming to the same thoughts and feelings that is actually getting to heal

Yes, time will heal it, but what we do during the time is also matter

We can’t stop moving because we have a small wound on our foot and kept regretting why that happen

We can’t stop living because we have a small wound in our heart and kept regretting the small amount of years from the whole years we have lived.

One stung on the water when you were trying to catch fish and enjoying the life of the fisherman can’t make you take all of your baggage and run back to the city and never enjoy the seafood again

Same thing, two or three years of bad experience from your whole life years living on earth can’t make you stop living and throw yourself under the valley of regret for the rest of your life

What you have to do is to heal the stung, fry the fish you caught and enjoy it with your friends

What you have to do is take a little a moment to grieve, heal in the way you need, and enjoy what God has been blessed your life, friendship, families, exciting job, people you work with and your future ahead.

A little stung can’t make you stop enjoying the life in the fisherman islands

A little hurt can’t make you stop enjoying the other parts of your life God has been blessed you with

It will all heal. Don’t let your feet stop walking because the unexpected little stung

Failure

There are days when everything you work on seems to fail

Your computer suddenly broke when you were working on your essays

Your bank transaction was just hard to process

Your relationship came to an end after so much fights and hardships

And you suddenly felt like a failure..

You started to wonder why do you have to struggle for everything

You started to questions why can‘t you get all things in an order

You felt weak, you felt tired and you felt hopeless..

Then you looked around and thought to yourself “Hey, everybody is dealing the same issues”.

Different but the same, the battles of life..

Some easier, some harder

Work issues, dreams and future, relationships, marriages, and even death..

You came back reflecting on your own life

Even some major issues in your life will not be the end of the world

It will be the end if you let it to be so.

You can rewrite your essays again, there is still time and who knows if this one will be even better

You can fix your computer or get a new one, God is a provider, trust Him, you will lack nothing

If you lose all the data, pictures and everything, take heart, nothing lasts in this temporary world anyways.

You can go to other banks tomorrow to try your transaction again

You can be at peace about your relationship with God when your relationship with people is falling apart, He will never leave you nor forsake you, His love is unconditional, He is faithful and kind.

You will know how to do things better after you fail

Take heart when you fail

Grieve a little enough time

Take the pieces of the broken failed things

Get up with a new peace and joy because you know that failure can make you a better and stronger person if you let yourself be as you are trusting God to lead you in His mercy and love.

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Romans 5: 3-5

My wishes - 2013

I started a new year..
What does it mean?
Is it merely only a different number in the calender?
Will we become a new person by having a new year?
Will there be a new thing in a new year?
Will we find our dreams come true in the new year?


                I don't know..
                As I don't have all the answers..
                But, these things I ask from you God
                To walk with me each day
                To give me new strength every single day
                To bless me with the skills and knowledge I need
                To help me to be thankful in every situation
                And to teach me to become a better person to for the glory of your name.


My wishes - 2013
Inspired by John 15:1-5
 
Happy New Year

Life changing season

Tiap musim itu ada waktunya.


Sama seperti musim dalam hidup kita.


Ketika kita balita kita ada di musim bermain.


Bertumbuh menjadi anak-anak kita ada di musim belajar.


Menjadi remaja kita ada di musim belajar dalam tingkat yang lebih tinggi, yaitu belajar memilih apa yang terbaik untuk di lakukan ketika banyak orang - orang di sekitar kita mulai mengambil keputusan yang salah, dan diam - diam menyesalinya di kemudian hari.


Beranjak dewasa kita ada di musim yang penuh dengan tanggung jawab, kita harus bertanggung jawab atas diri kita sendiri dan atas setiap keputusan yang kita ambil.
Kita bertanggung jawab untuk diri kita sendiri dan orang lain dalam segala hal.
Kita belajar melangkahkan kaki tanpa bantuan orang tua lagi, mengambil keputusan sendiri dan menanggung setiap resikonya.
Kita mulai memikirkan rencana - rencana untuk musim yang akan datang.
Kadang kita harus meninggalkan rumah yang nyaman dan orang - orang yang kita kasihi untuk belajar menjadi dewasa.
Kadang kita bertanya - tanya apakah kita sudah mengambil keputusan terbaik.
Kadang kita ingin kembali di musim yang sebelumnya, di mana setiap hari hanya bermain, di mana setiap hari kita bisa mendapatkan curahan kasih dari orang yang kita kasihi.
Kadang kita tidak ingin berada di musim ini.
Atau bahkan kita takut menghadapi musim yang selanjutnya.


Saat satu musim terasa seperti musim panas dengan matahari yang terik, dan kita seperti berdiri di tengah gurun pasir sendirian di mana kita hanya bisa membayangkan rumah kita yang nyaman dan orang - orang yang kita kasihi di bagian bumi yang lain,
saat satu musim terasa begitu sepi,
saat satu musim penuh dengan tanda tanya,
dan saat satu musim di mana kaki kita mulai goyah dan kita seperti tidak mampu berjalan lagi,
terus lah mencoba melalui musim tersebut dengan iman percaya yang tidak goyah bahwa di tiap - tiap musim kita sedang belajar untuk menghadapi musim selanjutnya yang lebih indah, dan bahwa kita harus melewati musim yang panas ini untuk merasakan sukacita musim hujan nanti di mana tanah tak lagi tandus.


Dalam hidup, dan dalam tiap - tiap musim yang kita lalui ada maknanya.
Mungkin makna itu berupa pelajaran - pelajaran berharga atau juga suatu persiapan untuk musim selanjutnya di mana pada akhirnya kita akan mensyukuri musim panas dengan matahari yang terik tersebut.

Ketika aku kanak-kanak, aku berkata-kata seperti kanak-kanak, aku merasa seperti kanak-kanak, aku berpikir seperti kanak-kanak. Sekarang sesudah aku menjadi dewasa, aku meninggalkan sifat kanak-kanak itu. - 
1 Korintus 13 : 11

Sebab Aku ini mengetahui rancangan-rancangan apa yang ada pada-Ku mengenai kamu, demikianlah firman TUHAN, yaitu rancangan damai sejahtera dan bukan rancangan kecelakaan, untuk memberikan kepadamu hari depan yang penuh harapan. - Yeremia 29 : 11

My brother, my hero.. =)

If I were being asked who are the heroes in my life
Without hesitation I will say that my brother is one of the heroes in my life
At least that is what I feel
Since I was a little he always relents to me
Although when i was growing up some circumstances caused us separated
And we did not really know each other's condition
But we both still kept in touch
Until the situation was getting worse that strengthened us instead


He was there when I lost hope
I remember clearly his words that had uplifted my spirit at the moment I lost hope when the person who supposed to be more responsible in my life ignored me
And I am very grateful because he really fulfilled its promise as he had said to me
I think he had sacrificed everything to fulfill his promise, and I will not forget it
I always prided himself among my friends, and I do not exaggerate it, because indeed he deserves to be prided in front of everyone
Although he was like away from me because of misunderstandings and different mindset
But I certainly know that he really cares about me, as I also really care about him.
And I'm profoundly thankful to God because He has sent a guardian angel into my life.


When we are finally being separated again by the distance, I still pray for him
Because that's all I can do to repay his merits


But this time ..
When I surely know I should be doing something to help him, I am not able doing anything instead
And it's truely sad because I was too late to realize it, because I also did not prepare it before
He does not ask for anything
But I really want a thing that would be done only once in his life becomes something that will not be forgotten
He does not care about this, because for him it does not matter
But I know, if he were just ignored me undoubtedly he could fulfill all his wishes, and I fully appreciate his sacrifice.


And at the moment like this ..
At the moment I can not do anything when I deeply want to help him
I pray to the Owner of this universe so that He will open the way
I pleaded to Him to provide the best in the most beautiful day in the life of person whom I really care about
And I know He will do it, because He also love me and love the person whom I love, who is my brother.

Kalau di tanya siapa pahlawan dalam hidup saya

Tanpa ragu saya akan bilang kalau kakak saya adalah salah satu pahlawan dalam hidup saya

Setidak nya itu lah yang saya rasa kan

Sejak saya kecil dia selalu mengalah untuk saya

Walaupun saat saya beranjak remaja keadaan memisahkan kami

Dan kami tidak begitu tahu keadaan masing – masing

Tapi kami tetap saling berhubungan satu sama lain

Sampai tahap di mana keadaan memburuk yang malah jadi semakin mempererat kami

Dia ada di saat saya hilang harapan

Saya ingat benar kata – kata nya yang kembali membangkitkan semangat saya ketika saya hilang harapan di saat orang yang seharus nya lebih bertanggung jawab dalam hidup saya malah mengabai kan saya

Dan saya sangat bersyukur karna dia sungguh - sungguh memenuhi janji nya seperti yang telah di katakan nya kepada saya

Saya pikir dia telah mengorbankan segalanya untuk memenuhi janji nya tersebut, dan saya tidak akan melupakan hal tersebut

Saya selalu membanggakan dia di hadapan teman – teman saya, dan saya tidak melebih – lebihkan nya, karna memang dia patut untuk saya banggakan di hadapan semua orang

Walau dia sempat seperti menjauh dari saya karna kesalah pahaman dan pola pikir yang berbeda

Tapi saya tahu dengan jelas kalau dia benar – benar menyayangi saya, seperti saya juga benar – benar menyayangi diri nya.

Dan saya sungguh bersyukur kepada Tuhan karna Dia telah mengirim seorang malaikat penjaga dalam hidup saya.

Saat akhirnya kami terpisahkan kembali oleh jarak, saya tetap mendoakan dia

Karna cuma itu yang bisa saya lakukan untuk membalas jasa – jasa nya

Tapi saat ini..

Saat saya tahu seharusnya saya bisa melakukan sesuatu untuk membantu dia, saya malah tidak bisa melakukan apa – apa

Dan itu benar – benar sangat menyedihkan karna saya terlambat menyadari nya, karna saya tidak mempersiapkan nya juga sebelum nya

Dia tidak minta apa – apa

Tapi saya sungguh ingin hal yang hanya di lakukan sekali dalam hidup nya menjadi sesuatu yang tidak terlupakan

Dia tidak mempermasalahkan hal ini, karna buat dia hal itu tidak penting

Tapi saya tahu, seandainya dia dulu mengabaikan saya pasti lah dia bisa memenuhi semua keinginan nya, dan saya sepenuhnya menghargai pengorbanan nya.

Dan di saat – saat seperti ini..

Di saat saya tidak bisa berbuat apa – apa ketika saya benar – benar ingin membantu nya

Saya berdoa kepada sang Empunya semesta agar Dia membukakan jalan

Saya memohon agar Dia memberikan yang terbaik di hari yang paling indah dalam hidup orang yang sangat saya sayangi

Dan saya tahu Dia akan melakukan nya, karena Dia juga menyayangi saya dan menyayangi orang yang saya sayang, yaitu kakak saya.

For :
My brother, my hero :)

FAITH and LIE

Outside it's now raining heavily

and i dont really know what i'm suppose to do

even actually i've still got some emails i havn't replied yet

but i don't think i want to reply it at this moment.

I'm wondering what is in my mind now

and in fact i already knew what that is

is a ton of questions about things as usual.

There are two exact words in my mind at this very moment

FAITH, following by LIE

why do these two words just come up into my mind..??
maybe because i just saw something
something that just makes me think about things in life generally.

In life, we all have our own desire, our own passion, or our own interst
and those are make we are different each other,
we also have our own faith,
faith about anything we believe in some different areas in our life
and faith could make us face every single day
it could make us keep strong and brave even in a very unpredictable situation


But what if a faith has been poisoned by a lie,
could it be a good faith ever again..??
and what if that lie feels so true and make us dont even realize its poison..??
what could happen if that so..??
all that i know that we might be losing our grip
we are gonna fall down and we will hurt so bad
i dont really know the other effects
all that i know that it won't be good, it won't be nice
it will be just killing us.

For me, even just to keep my faith i have to struggle from many things hardly
cos i always wonder about things
and i always have questions about things
while we couldn't ask a faith
we could't doubt a faith
cos faith is something we do not see
faith is something we believe, we cling to
cos if we keep asking that is not a faith.


So now,
at this very moment,
im praying to God, the Creator of this universe
so that He might give me the wisdom,
an insight to discern lies in a faith
to keep my faith about His promises strong
to keep my eyes and my mind on Him
to be obedient and patient even things feel do not make any senses
even the world is changing
even some opinions are not gonna be the same
even life is full of questions and tempting me to walk away
even when i'm feeling all alone
even when it's raining
even when in a strom
i'm praying so i could have a power to keep my faith in You.


Walk by faith, not by sight..